He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
