I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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