then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
