shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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