I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
