dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
