remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
