Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is wine microwaveable?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
