6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
