Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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