I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Say something about gay babies.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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