it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
