i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
