Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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