You can't special order awesome
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
