I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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