The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize