If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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