After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
