We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize