So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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