Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
