There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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