She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
