oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
the raccoons are back...
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