My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
