I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
