I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
