I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
