Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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