Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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