Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize