I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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