3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
