you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
