did you get engaged???
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
