Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
