he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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