i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize