OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
