We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
