Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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