Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
