apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
