I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
