So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
