I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
