a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
