i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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