Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
