I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
