i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize