i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
