if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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