does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
