I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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