Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize