do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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