im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
