Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
