he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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