You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
